Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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