i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
