Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
