I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
