Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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