TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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