mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
