I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize