so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
