Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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