You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
