the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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