How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
