I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You were trust falling into bushes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
