That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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