so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
