U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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