Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
