So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
