Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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