I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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