I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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