Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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