a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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