So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize