I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
