my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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