I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
