What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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