After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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