girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
