Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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