This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
