bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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