Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
