i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
