I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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