yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
