you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
