that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
