Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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