I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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