Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
