I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
