i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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