did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
