I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
