I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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