I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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