escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
