No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dicks are not precious.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
