i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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