my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize