she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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