She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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