She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
