.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
