He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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