You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
