Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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