apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
