your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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