Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
