Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
