Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
