I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ugly people sure do ruin things
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
