ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
