I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
